This story was originally published here two years and two months ago in 2018. However, because the Man Cub is now only two months away from leaving for college, my sentiments are the same as then. 

This kid.

Lord, how I love him.

I remember holding him in my arms right after delivery. They had swaddled him snugly, peanut-style. When we took the wraps off, he appeared so frail and floppy, so red-faced as newborns are.

I was terrified to break him and terrified to fail him.

Being responsible for something so perfect, someone so precious, was almost overwhelming. The title “mother” carries such a weight to me; it’s the most important job I have ever had.

How did he become this giant? He used to run and jump into my arms and I would swing him around in circles, finally hugging him tight when I couldn’t swing anymore. Then came they day I couldn’t catch and hold him. He was just too big. Now he dwarfs me.

I was terrified to break him and terrified to fail him.

(And I was worried I might just get hurt, too!)


We have done ministry together since he was a preschooler teaching the Christmas story onstage and onscreen. When he was just six years old, we were at the center of fund-raising for Ethiopian missions for his sister’s birth country. Later, we sang and played praise & worship music; now we are both on-staff at church.

Two years and four months.

This is all the time we have left to pour into this boy-turning-man. (I’m in tears as we’re sitting here on the couch editing this story.)

My sweet baby-giant still likes a cuddle on the couch.

I am still terrified to break him and terrified to fail him.

Have I shown him Jesus? Have I walked out my #messyfaith in front of him enough and pointed the way back to the Christ as King? Heaven knows, he has seen the best and worst of me.

Have I been too hard on him or have I spared the rod and spoiled the child? Will he walk with Jesus into eternity or will he walk away?

As the Apostle John says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 John 1:4)

Me, too, John. Me, too!

Time will tell. And right now, I want so badly for the sun to stand still, but the clock keeps ticking against my will. However, I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. There are glimmers of the fruit of my labors and God’s Holy Spirit.

The truth of the matter is this: I HAVE wounded and failed my son at times. The Church Girl is human. We all are and have hurt those around us that we love dearly.

But – praise Jesus! – the Lord Almighty will never fail him. Ever.

#jesusineverything, especially Mothers and Sons.